Either this or I have to buy new pants

I think it'd be a really good thing if it was deemed socially acceptable to call in "fat" to work a few days a year. "I can't come in today; I woke up too fat to fit comfortably in my pants." No one gets anything done when their pants hurt, anyway, so you might as well stay home.

In conjunction with this idea, I'd like to see emergency fat-fighting (EFF) centers that would provide acute weight-control assistance. You wake up heavier than you've ever been, make your call to your workplace to say you won't be in, and then go to the EFF where a professional trainer would put you through an intense workout and send you out for a bike ride and then for a run and then for a swim. A professional chef would serve you low-cal meals. At the end of a day or two or three of this, your pants would fit and you'd return to work.