Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Either this or I have to buy new pants

I think it'd be a really good thing if it was deemed socially acceptable to call in "fat" to work a few days a year. "I can't come in today; I woke up too fat to fit comfortably in my pants." No one gets anything done when their pants hurt, anyway, so you might as well stay home.

In conjunction with this idea, I'd like to see emergency fat-fighting (EFF) centers that would provide acute weight-control assistance. You wake up heavier than you've ever been, make your call to your workplace to say you won't be in, and then go to the EFF where a professional trainer would put you through an intense workout and send you out for a bike ride and then for a run and then for a swim. A professional chef would serve you low-cal meals. At the end of a day or two or three of this, your pants would fit and you'd return to work.


love johnson said...

Could you not do all those things yourself, without a trainer? Who would pay for this service? Would it be covered under "ObamaCare"?

Stephanie said...

Well, I could set my own broken bone and make a plaster cast myself too, I suppose.

I'm proposing focused emergency-like treatment for that newest extra pound. Could be a private enterprise; I'd pay them the amount I would have spent to buy new larger pants.

But we've now taken this more seriously than I intended.

love johnson said...

I knew you were not being serious. I was trying out some questions that I knew would be on the talking points memo from the RNC.

Stephanie said...

Ah, yes. Well, the RNC should be aware that my plan calls for "fat panels" who will specify an appropriate weight for each citizen and will review exercise records and diet journals to determine whether each citizen should be allowed continued life or should, instead, be referred to a death panel.