Mom and Sibs

I can't ignore what toll these events are taking on them.

Dad is now on an anti-depressant that is causing him to want to just sleep more than anything else. Mom is seeing this as Dad taking a big turn for the worse. We try to explain that even with completely otherwise healthy individuals this would be the result as the body adjusts to the drug. (She'll get that eventually though that was part of my unspoken objection to administering the drug...what if he'd prefer to being fully aware?) We visited before going to church this morning after breakfast and it was clear all he wanted to do was go to sleep. Mom left sobbing and it was left to me to provide comfort as I pursued her out of the room. As LJ and Michael can attest, this is not my strong suit...emotional availability, even to the one person who loves me more unconditionally than anyone save G-d. Still, I was able to put my arm around her and mumble something that quieted her...hopefully something of comfort and not just something stifling her sobs. For such a woman who adopted me as an infant and treated my like her very own and loves me like she does, why is it so difficult for me to be more comforting? Yes, she can push my buttons like no other, however subconsciously that might be but she deserves better from me.

Back to the drug; I have really mixed feelings about this. So far I've been overruled in my belief that Dad should be fully apprised of his condition, the theory being that what is the benefit to him if he wakes every morning only to wonder, "Will this is be the day I die?" I understand that from an emotional/comfort argument the medication makes sense, but what if he doesn't realize these will be the last days that he has to say something to his wife, children or G-d? I probably underestimate him greatly. He probably has to already knows.

The elder of my two younger sisters informed me that the prognosis is more likely a max of three months, not six, contrary to my previous post.

As for the sibs, two of the three were there this weekend. Baby sister in Montana with her husband's family and her four children on a long planned trip...available to return on a moment's notice. (What about my trip to Alberta for fly fishing at the end of August?) For the first time I'm starting to see the toll this takes on them, too. Extreme efforts to be as comforting as possible to Mom and Dad. I am grateful to the three of them and to baby sister's husband as well. All three really fill the gaps that I'm incapable of filling.

Since this whole post is such a downer, I have to leave on something positive. Regarding this "facility" Dad inhabits., I couldn't be more pleasantly surprised. No, it is not a high dollar facility where fortunes are spent to have oneself pampered as life's end nears. It is a pretty basic nursing facility in a small town in East Texas. Still, Dad's primary caretaker apart from genuine nursing or medicine has been a short, though robust 60 year old woman who has taken her job seriously for more than 40 years...making Dad as comfortable as possible while doing impossible tasks...all the while not taking any guff from Dad or anyone else. For that, I am grateful, too.